I was thinking earlier, and you know it’s not really weird how i feel like i’m much younger than i really am. Fucking hell, i’m almost 20, but i feel like 14-15 most of the time. Sometimes even younger… But is that really so weird when i never really got to be a child? Because i was always, aaaaalways scared. I was scared during the day, and even more scared during the night. I had a horrible best friend who i hated. I spent my fucking summers in a bar where my mom worked, sometimes until like 2 or 3 am. I’d fall asleep on a couch while listening to drunk people talking and my mom and stepdad fighting. I hated school, most people at school, some woman came to my school asking me if my stepdad was abusive, my dad was in the hospital for a while, i hated myself, i did stupid things. 

So i’m a child now instead.